When I started the video blog, Your Best Horse Relationship (YBHR), over ten years ago, it was primarily an effort to utilize my video gear. I had been a horse-crazy boy (yes, there are a few of us) all of my life, and I was at the beginning of starting my “media” business aimed at horse-owners.
The money that I made from equestrian photography never amounted to much, but I did enjoy the series. I was keeping Cookie, The Smartest Most Beautiful Horse In The World! (TSMBHITW!), at an idyllic little barn, outside of Louviers, Colorado. You’ll see some of the property in the videos that I have already posted. The property was surrounded by open-space, Cookie and I would walk for hours through the woods and the fields; she ate the grass, ands I thought deep thoughts. She was better at eating the grass.
I have posted a few episodes of the old video-blog, and I have enjoyed re-visiting the ideas I expressed (back then) but I have found myself thinking that there is so much more to say! This is very true, because I purposely limited what I said, in order to limit the length of the videos. I have noticed, after the fact, that the ideas needed extra time and extra depth. So, here we go, a different medium for my media. I will, eventually, have an audio podcast, but until then, perhaps a weekly letter…
You will have a relationship with your horse regardless. Regardless of what you do, regardless of the effort you put forth, regardless of the thoughts and beliefs of others. The question is, what sort of relationship do you currently have? Do you really know?
For most horse owners, a GOOD relationship is all that they will ever need. They will see their horse occasionally, ride him for an hour or two, love on him, feed him treats and put him back with his buddies for another week. That is a perfectly reasonable relationship for many (if not most) horse owners. If the human is kind, and the horse is willing, far be it from me to worry about the relationship between them.
If you are looking for YBHR, now is as good a time as any to asses the relationship you have with your horse. Don’t worry, this isn’t a struggle session, you do not need to publicly shame yourself and admit your wrong-doing. That comes later, in your own thoughts.
What you do need to know is that YBHR does not simply appear for you and your horse, you must put effort into creating it. Further, that effort will need to be constant and on-going, you must always have the idea of improving your relationship with your horse in your mind when you are with your horse. If you are thinking that this process is going to be some sort of continual drudgery, I have happy news for you: It’s actually fun! Trust me, you’ll enjoy creating YBHR.
Let me now asses your relationship with your horse…
It could stand some improvement.
Do I have a formula? A check-list for horse owners to use to gauge the relative strength of their relationship with their horse? Charts? Graphs? Laminated cards for sale? No. I can say, without fear of contradiction, that your relationship with your horse can do with some improvement. How do I know? I say that because I know that all horse-human relationships can be improved, the question is, are you interested in doing so?
If you are (and I am assuming that you are), there are some important truths that you will need to confront at the beginning.
First, your horse does not NEED a relationship with you, but he WANTS one, that is a crucial thing to understand. If you were to put your horse in a pasture with a stable herd, good food and water, shelter and plenty of space, he’ll be happy as a clam. If you came by and fed him a carrot once a week, he’d enjoy it, but not really need a relationship with you. If you spend more time with him, if you are asking him him to interact with you and follow your instructions, he will now want to have a better relationship with you, in fact, his life will be better if his relationship with you is a strong one.
Second, your horse bears no responsibility for the relative status or strength of the relationship: that’s all on you. Ancillary to the first point; while the horse WANTS the relationship, and his life will be much improved by having a great relationship with you, there is nothing that he can do to affect the process. In the More Traditional Horse World (MTHW), there is a tendency to view the horse as culpable for any shortcomings or resistance, as though the horse is purposefully monkey-wrenching things to get one up on us. That is a human perspective (more on THAT in the future), and plays no part in our horse’s thinking; he’s looking for a better relationship with us, and we need to be the ones to put forth the effort.
Third, our horse is much better at relationships than we are. Humans are the ones who need to learn how to have better relationships. As a herd animal, the horse is naturally hard-wired to be a relationship master, humans on the other hand are far more individualistic. This individualism does not allow humans to see collective success as being the preferable outcome, the way the horse does. Consequently, the human’s default position is to see the horse as simply a tool to be used in gaining success for themselves, and not for both ourselves and our horse (our “herd”). To begin the process of creating YBHR, it is important to change your perspective from me, to we.
Once you start doing this, your horse will respond positively, and the beginning of your long journey toward YBHR will have begun!
More to come!